Moving On

I have loved being with Maddi every day for the last eighteen and a half months. No regrets, no wishes for any take backs; although, no doubt there were some very challenging days. However, I think I have been in a bit of a funk in the last few months staying home with her.

Just a couple of months before Maddi turned one, I felt very lucky to have the career option to stay home with her as I watched all the other moms that I have met during maternity leave starting to make adjustments for their return to work - daycare or other child care arrangements in particular. They have expressed feeling anxious, sad and a combination of both as they consider the thought of having to leave their precious babes in the care of someone else after spending every day with them up to that point. Many of the moms I met are also first time moms, not sure if it gets any easier with subsequent children.

Within the last six months, it seems my friends who have returned to work have found a new routine and have adjusted quite well to life back at work and their babes are thriving in whatever childcare they have arranged for them. Me, on the other hand, I feel stuck in maternity leave mode. I miss my mommy friends and their babes who are not as readily available as they were, prior to returning to work. I am supposed to also be "back at work," only my work is at home and I work for myself. Trouble is, it's so easy to blur my time as a mom focused on Maddi as my priority and my work as a photographer and entrepreneur who is preparing to launch her business. I think I'm doing a superb job as a mom (although some days I may not think so), but I've been lousy as an entrepreneur that's starting a business.

I need to be a lot more intentional about being in business. I think some planning, scheduling and organizational changes are in order. Actually, I did have a plan for what I want to do after maternity leave that I was happy about and could work with... I just need to stick with the plan! I am confident that if I do, I will be a lot more efficient and productive during my work hours as well as be more present when I'm with Maddi.

It's time to move on. I don't want to be thinking about work when I'm with Maddi and be inefficient at work, wondering about Maddi when I'm supposed to be working and being productive.

It seems Mother Nature decided to skip Spring and Summer days are here! I want to enjoy these Summer days with Maddi, and the only way I can really enjoy them is if I am fully present when I'm with her... not thinking about work. And if I work when I'm supposed to, I won't have to think about it when I'm with Maddi.

Today, I decided to just enjoy the day with Maddi; not constantly check my emails, left my phone on vibrate, and napped with her next to me. We started the day by going to the dollar store and picked up a pinwheel and a bubble wand, then headed to the park. We made some more friends today and Maddi loved running around in the big open space. She liked the pinwheel when it spun, but then quickly loses interest whenever it stopped and throws it out of her stroller. As for the bubbles, she wasn't quite sure if she liked them at first, but she started to really enjoy them by the end of the day.

Here are some photos from our time at the park. I would've loved to have taken some photos of her with the bubbles, but I couldn't swing the wand and take a picture at the same time. Maybe we'll take some when da-da can come with us next time =)