What Really Matters

It's been a few days since my last post. I haven't had a photo session since Mother's Day, and I'm itching to do one. I've mostly been working on marketing materials that I needed to have ready for the Nygard event as well as a list of items for what needs to get done in order to launch the Red Alchemy website... and of course, hanging out with Ms. Maddi Boo!

I am loving every minute of being a mama; and if I didn't have to make money, I'd say forget about the business. I'll do that when she's off to school, I'll just take pictures for the fun of it. I love reading up on various ways of parenting, then taking what resonates with me and trying it out on Maddi. One blog that has influenced me a lot is Hands Free Mama. The writings of Rachel Stafford has impacted me and changed me in ways that I will owe having less or no regrets about my motherhood journey to her. Thanks to her blog posts, I am regularly reminded to keep myself present with Maddi in our highly distracted world today as well as given ideas for various ways I can grab hold of what really matters in my life. The other day, I came across another great read, an article by another mama about letting your child learn and figure things out on their own instead of rushing to their rescue all the time.

The weekend when Sean's dad was in town, we took Maddi to the playground beside our building. She learned to come down a slide at another playground the day before but this slide had a steep hill to climb instead of steps. So we helped her up the hill, then helped her get up onto the platform and she would slide down on her own. Last Friday, after reading that article, I decided to not help her up the hill or get up onto the platform. Instead, I encouraged her to get to the top on her own. I coached her and suggested that she can crawl up... and she did! I was so proud! She crawled up to the top, and with a little more encouragement, she also climbed up on top of the platform, then she slid down the slide all on her own. After a few rounds of that, I encouraged her to try walking up the hill and coached her to keep her body forward. I held her hand up the hill on the first try, then let her do it on her own after. She did; slowly but surely, she got to the top! Each time she walked up that hill, she got more stable and got to the top quicker. I had a proud mama moment.

Yesterday, we were at the playground under the bridge, not far from our house. There's a set of slides there where one of the steps is a bit higher than the other ones, but it had a bar that you can step on to get up. She used to ask for a boost up when she got to that step. Yesterday, instead of giving her a boost up, I showed her how to step on the bar to push herself up. I wish I can show you the look on her face when she managed to do it all by herself! She was so proud, so happy! I'd like to think she appreciates being equipped to be independent. Another proud mama moment.

With all this growing, a part of me wanted to slow down time which seems to be fleeting away. I remember night after night thinking I'm wasting so much time just sitting beside her crib, holding her hand until she fell asleep when we were sleep training. But I read somewhere (quite possibly one of the Hands Free Mama's posts) to try and cherish those moments, because nothing about children lasts forever. It will be the last time they ask to hold your hand to sleep and you won't know it until the next time you offer to hold their hand to sleep and they don't need it anymore. Sure enough, that time came. Although I'm glad not to have to sit for 30 minutes to an hour each night, I miss holding her hand as she drifts off to dreamland.

I also miss sleeping with her beside me, but she sleeps better in her crib - 10 to 12 hours overnight compared to about 8 hours if she sleeps with me. Maybe, when she gets older she'll sleep in our bed once in a while... as a treat - I'm sure it'll be as much for me as it is for her.

Tonight, I tried to cuddle her to sleep. She was getting sleepy in my arms, but it was getting late and she wasn't falling asleep... so I put her down in her crib and she fell asleep within a minute. I was glad to have enjoyed a few minutes of holding her and singing a couple of rounds of "Over the Rainbow" to her. I used to sing her to sleep with that song, maybe I can work a cuddle and a song into our bedtime routine before I put her down in her crib. I know I'll be singing that song for many more years to come.

There are videos I wanted to upload, but can't seem to upload them successfully. Perhaps the files are too large. So here are some photos instead, although they don't quite show how amazing it was to see Maddi learn to do these things on her own.

Alternative Swinging

On Thursday, while on a play date with Shaila and Zianna at a nearby playground, another mom and baby showed us how to swing sideways! It looked like fun, so we tried it. Maddi loved it!

The next day, while mama was out on a family session, Maddi asked dada to go on the blue swing - it's the next level swing where there is a back, but no front to the seat. My baby girl is growing way too fast... wish I could freeze time, yet I am also constantly amazed at all the things she's learning to do. It really is fascinating to watch her grow, I am so lucky!

Maddi in the big girl swing

Sideways swinging

More sideways swinging

Enjoying a different view from sideways swinging

One Fine Day

Today was a GREAT day! Not that other days aren't, but today was just.plain.awesome!

Started the morning with a smiley Maddi instead of a crying Maddi wanting out of her crib. She ate well at breakfast and then we were off to catch the Aquabus to Granville Island for a Westside Music Together trial class.

Upon disembarking the Aquabus at Granville Island, we walked through the market and picked up "the Jenny" from JJ Bean. Don't go to a JJ Bean and ask for it, they would look at you weird and not know what you're talking about. This is what my friend Krysta, who used to work at the JJ Bean I frequented, had named my drink after having had to explain how I like my coffee every time I went into her store. It's actually not that crazy - it's just a latte with half vanilla, half caramel, light foam.

After I got my coffee, we still had 20 mins before class started. So we decided to stop and enjoy the music in the courtyard just outside of the main market entrance.

The class was an hour long and was UH-MAZ-ING! I don't know if it's just because I'm an emotional Cancerian... but I had to hold back tears towards the end of the class as Maddi gave the teacher a big, long hug when she's just met her for the first time. I think it's been built up from the great morning I've had, the beautiful setting of the class, seeing Maddi getting into the class... and I'm just envisioning how perfect our Summer would be for Maddi and I to have GI days twice a week for a month - and how this will help to put a bit of structure in our schedule (which I've needed, as you can tell from my post yesterday).

Maddi woke up extra early this morning, and the class probably tired her out as well. She fell asleep in the stroller on the way home. Since Maddi was sleeping in the stroller, I decided to meet up with Anne & Marcus at a nearby park. While we were there, I got a text msg from Shaila, one of the moms I met during maternity leave, that she and Zianna were in the area and would like to meet up. I haven't seen them in ages! And when they showed up to the park, they came with Jim, another friend of ours from our parent/infant days, with Hailey in tow of course! It still amazes me to see how much the girls have all grown, I've seen them since they were just a few weeks old!

Can this day get any better?! Well, YES! I think the pictures below sufficiently explain...

Hailey, Zianna & Maddi

We tried to keep their clothes dry...

No amount of hiking up pants or pulling up sleeves will keep their clothes dry when they do THIS!

Maddi's clothes were soaked. Good thing it was a warm day and only a short walk home, because she had to ride home in her stroller with nothing but her diaper on. I guess that's a sign of a spectacular day!

Cute As Can Bee

Sean and Maddi were quite sick for the week after we got back from our cruise. Caring for two sick babes took it's toll and got really challenging after the 4th day. Maddi was extra clingy, and Sean couldn't help at all. I tried to handle it with as much patience and grace, but I'm afraid I started to crack towards the end. I think what saved me from totally losing it was my dad leaving me with pre-cooked frozen meals that I could just heat up throughout the week before he flew home.

I'm just glad that at least, we had a great trip; and also, that I didn't get sick while caring for both of them - that was freakin' amazing!

Now that they are both feeling so much better and the weather outside is so much nicer, I decided to take Maddi out on our first picnic of the year this afternoon - and she was dressed appropriately, buzzing with cuteness!

Side note: Maddi's hair seemed to have sprouted in the last month... I started giving her pigtails the week after we got back from our cruise to keep it away from her snotty nose.

She started crouching down every time I pull my camera out lately... I hope it's just a phase, I want to be able to take photographs of her!

How did she get so big so fast?!

That's the mischievous smile she gave me before running away from our picnic blanket!

I showed her how to blow on a dandelion

She thought it was interesting

She held it way too close to her mouth, the little bits started sticking to her snotty nose =)

Maddi Hug 2

Remember this photo when Maddi was a mere 20 days old? It is one of my all time favourites, just love it!

With all of the traveling we did last year, it was hard to keep up with taking pictures & blogging daily... so I didn't blog at all for almost a year, haha! I guess I'm an all or nothing girl =P

Trust me, we have tons of photos, but most of them are taken from our phones since lugging around the big SLR was not as easy as pre-baby days. I won't be blogging daily, but will attempt to at least be somewhat consistent. Looking at the old photos and reading past posts definitely made me glad I documented a lot of Maddi's first few months.

Maddi is now almost 14 and a half months old, sleeps in her crib overnight and for most naps. We sleep trained a few months ago but she still needed me to sit beside her crib and hold her hand until she falls asleep. A few days ago, I decided to start just putting her in the crib, kiss her goodnight and walk away. She cried a few minutes and eventually went to sleep on her own. Last night, she actually fell asleep within a minute.

Tonight, however, she stuck her hand out between the slats on her crib wanting me to hold it. How can I say no? My thought: it is definitely a lot more convenient for me to be able to just walk away when I put her to bed, but she will not always want me to hold her hand to sleep. The day will come when she will grow up and be independent, perhaps one day she won't even want to hold my hand at all. Let me just slow time down tonight and hold her hand.

As she tried to sleep, I examined her face. I can still see traces of how she looked as a newborn... her rosebud lips, and how she would suck her lower lip in sometimes, her gorgeous almond-shaped eyes that make her look more Asian when they're closed, her button nose and her baby cheeks that are so pinchable despite being so petite. Words can't describe how much I love this little person.

After 15 minutes, she sat up. For some reason, she still had a hard time falling asleep. She wasn't crying, just wasn't sleeping. So I picked her up and just held her. How I've missed cuddling her to sleep like I did those first few months. She is definitely heavier, but she fit perfectly in my arms and her head on my shoulder like she did when she was a lot smaller.

I started crying. I am plagued by something that I was told in my Bazu reading (a Chinese birth chart energy reading) that my relationship with my child will be challenged. This feels so perfect, Maddi and I have been so close... I can't accept that it will one day change and I won't be able to enjoy being so close to her. My heart broke a little just thinking about it, crying while rocking her and singing her our song to help her fall asleep.

As parents, we are so good at capturing our children's firsts... but we often don't notice the lasts. One day, it will be the last time she needs me to sit beside her crib and hold her hand to fall asleep, and I won't know until it is long gone. Not to say that I will never get frustrated when she takes forever to fall asleep in the future; but tonight, I found a reason to not rush, to slow time down, to just cherish the present and savour every moment.

When Maddi finally fell asleep in my arms, I asked Sean to take another photo of us... just like he did when she was 20 days old. It's a new addition to my favourite photos of all time.

Here's hoping that a mother's heart is powerful enough to change fate... but if not, then at least I have a great reminder to always cherish and make the best of every moment with this beautiful child.