Birthday Wishes

It's been over a month since my last post... I've been busy! After going through a bit of a funk, I got off my butt and booked photo sessions. I've had 3 over the last 3 weeks and have been very happy about the images I got out of them.

July is a busy month, our weekends were pretty much booked since early June - camping on the first weekend, my birthday party on the 2nd weekend, a themed photo session with 2 adorable girls and the annual lantern festival on the 3rd weekend, and a possible local trip on the last weekend. Maddi's music classes also started in July - loving our Granville Island mornings twice a week! Slowly, I'm finding a schedule to anchor me so life doesn't seem so random and chaotic. The artist in me loves having the freedom and not being tied to a schedule; but too much of that makes the OC side of me freak out a bit and crave for some order and predictability.

For once in my life, I didn't anticipate my birthday. It wasn't a big deal. It didn't feel important - in a good way. I think I have other priorities in my life now and having Maddi has taught me to focus less on myself. I still believe in taking every opportunity to celebrate... so I still sought to make it a special day.

I spent my first couple of hours having some alone time with Maddi as I nursed her and have a quick breakfast together before we headed off to her music class on Granville Island. The morning started on schedule; then just as Maddi and I were leaving to catch the Aquabus to Granville Island, she chucks a water glass on the floor and it shatters into pieces. I strap her into the stroller so as to avoid her getting into the glass bits, sweep up the bigger pieces of glass, get stuff off the floor and run Irona (our robot vacuum) so she can pick up the rest of the smaller bits while we're out... then boot it to the Aquabus station. Get there, wait for the Cyquabus that can take the stroller without getting Maddi out and folding it up, get on and wait some more while it waits for slow walking tourists, make another stop then get to Granville Island. It's amazing how a 15 minute delay can derail an otherwise promisingly amazing day. I thought it was crazy that it affected me so much, so I decided to reset and get happy. Thank God for the ability to make that decision... coz the rest of the day was amazing!

Despite being late, we had a great class. After, we met up for lunch with a few friends - thanks Anne & baby Marcus, Crystal & baby in the belly, Stephen & Katie & baby Leanne, and Amy for the food truck lunch in the sunshine. Enjoyed some alone time while Maddi napped, reading all of the wonderful FB greetings. Shortly after Maddi woke up from her nap, we got a nice visit from our friend and neighbour Anna, who biked all the way from their gelateria in Coal Harbour with her two kids in tow to deliver a litre of her husband James' award winning gelato! Ended the day with a nice and tasty dinner at Homer St. Cafe, where Maddi learned to go up stairs upright (not crawling), unassisted... and then dug into the gelato after Maddi went to bed.

My day today was in fact not much different than any ordinary day... but I got to be with special people I love and enjoy the company of. Yes, I got showered with abundant FB greetings (120 of them at the moment), flowers, cards, lunch, treats, dinner, and gelato! Yet what I enjoyed most was the people I spent today with - people I had just met at the music class, and friends whose company I've enjoyed for years... people who took time and energy to celebrate my birthday with me, people who took time and energy to send a greeting - over FB, email, text or a phone call! As a lifelong student, I also loved that today presented me with a lesson to learn - deciding to get happy when it would've been easier (albeit more miserable) to give in to my emotions (and I'm a very emotional person) and let the small hiccup in the morning ruin my day.

As I close out today with 5 minutes left on my birthday, here's what I've learned as I turn 38 (and Maddi's been a great teacher, among many others) - as cheesy as it sounds, the meaning of life is LOVE; it is all about the connections we make. Life is also about continuously learning & growing. A lot of things get better just with a change of perspective. The key to happiness is to always count one's blessings, see the good, and find enjoyment in the simple things.

My birthday wishes - that I may make many more friends, learn to connect at a heart and soul level and somehow maintain the connections no matter where in the world life takes us; that I may learn to get happy easily when my emotions try to run over me and threaten to ruin my day; that I may always be happy because I always see what's good; that I may always find what's amazing and beautiful in the most simple of things and moments.

Namaste.

Maddi, Marcus & Aida (a friend Maddi just made during lunch)
playing while we enjoy our food truck lunch from Feastro.

My birthday dinner with Sean and Maddi at Homer St. Cafe

The best birthday present I could ever ask for!

What I've been showered with...

A litre of Bella Gelateria's old-world handcrafted gelato.
3 flavours to savour every last bite of - salted caramel, buko pandan & hazelnut.

This is how this birthday girl is ending her day...
with a spoon in one hand, ate gelato straight out of the box! =)

What Really Matters

It's been a few days since my last post. I haven't had a photo session since Mother's Day, and I'm itching to do one. I've mostly been working on marketing materials that I needed to have ready for the Nygard event as well as a list of items for what needs to get done in order to launch the Red Alchemy website... and of course, hanging out with Ms. Maddi Boo!

I am loving every minute of being a mama; and if I didn't have to make money, I'd say forget about the business. I'll do that when she's off to school, I'll just take pictures for the fun of it. I love reading up on various ways of parenting, then taking what resonates with me and trying it out on Maddi. One blog that has influenced me a lot is Hands Free Mama. The writings of Rachel Stafford has impacted me and changed me in ways that I will owe having less or no regrets about my motherhood journey to her. Thanks to her blog posts, I am regularly reminded to keep myself present with Maddi in our highly distracted world today as well as given ideas for various ways I can grab hold of what really matters in my life. The other day, I came across another great read, an article by another mama about letting your child learn and figure things out on their own instead of rushing to their rescue all the time.

The weekend when Sean's dad was in town, we took Maddi to the playground beside our building. She learned to come down a slide at another playground the day before but this slide had a steep hill to climb instead of steps. So we helped her up the hill, then helped her get up onto the platform and she would slide down on her own. Last Friday, after reading that article, I decided to not help her up the hill or get up onto the platform. Instead, I encouraged her to get to the top on her own. I coached her and suggested that she can crawl up... and she did! I was so proud! She crawled up to the top, and with a little more encouragement, she also climbed up on top of the platform, then she slid down the slide all on her own. After a few rounds of that, I encouraged her to try walking up the hill and coached her to keep her body forward. I held her hand up the hill on the first try, then let her do it on her own after. She did; slowly but surely, she got to the top! Each time she walked up that hill, she got more stable and got to the top quicker. I had a proud mama moment.

Yesterday, we were at the playground under the bridge, not far from our house. There's a set of slides there where one of the steps is a bit higher than the other ones, but it had a bar that you can step on to get up. She used to ask for a boost up when she got to that step. Yesterday, instead of giving her a boost up, I showed her how to step on the bar to push herself up. I wish I can show you the look on her face when she managed to do it all by herself! She was so proud, so happy! I'd like to think she appreciates being equipped to be independent. Another proud mama moment.

With all this growing, a part of me wanted to slow down time which seems to be fleeting away. I remember night after night thinking I'm wasting so much time just sitting beside her crib, holding her hand until she fell asleep when we were sleep training. But I read somewhere (quite possibly one of the Hands Free Mama's posts) to try and cherish those moments, because nothing about children lasts forever. It will be the last time they ask to hold your hand to sleep and you won't know it until the next time you offer to hold their hand to sleep and they don't need it anymore. Sure enough, that time came. Although I'm glad not to have to sit for 30 minutes to an hour each night, I miss holding her hand as she drifts off to dreamland.

I also miss sleeping with her beside me, but she sleeps better in her crib - 10 to 12 hours overnight compared to about 8 hours if she sleeps with me. Maybe, when she gets older she'll sleep in our bed once in a while... as a treat - I'm sure it'll be as much for me as it is for her.

Tonight, I tried to cuddle her to sleep. She was getting sleepy in my arms, but it was getting late and she wasn't falling asleep... so I put her down in her crib and she fell asleep within a minute. I was glad to have enjoyed a few minutes of holding her and singing a couple of rounds of "Over the Rainbow" to her. I used to sing her to sleep with that song, maybe I can work a cuddle and a song into our bedtime routine before I put her down in her crib. I know I'll be singing that song for many more years to come.

There are videos I wanted to upload, but can't seem to upload them successfully. Perhaps the files are too large. So here are some photos instead, although they don't quite show how amazing it was to see Maddi learn to do these things on her own.

There's A Fire

It's 1.30 in the morning and I just climbed into bed. And although I am in bed, I lay awake thinking about my photography venture. Just. Can't. Stop!

This reminds me of my dad. He has told me stories about times when he has laid awake thinking, planning, dreaming about how he can expand, what he can achieve, how he can make things better. My brother has had similar experiences too. Although I may kick myself in the morning when I find it hard to wake up or when I am too tired to keep up with Maddi, this encourages me; I'm in good company!

It also makes me excited because according to the law of attraction - what you focus on expands, what you think about becomes your reality, what you visualize shows up in your life... what you're happy about and grateful for, the universe gives you more of! Also, I had already brushed up against something along these lines that felt eerily (in a good way) paranormal to me in the last week.

Tonight, I spent some precious sleep time chatting with a fellow mom & photography enthusiast. We talked about our love of photography, and covered topics from props, marketing, pricing, sales, etc. We are both moms that have demanding young children (she actually trumps me, she's a mom of two!)... why aren't we sleeping? Why are we spending our precious time chatting about this stuff? It's because there's something bubbling within us. Borrowing Adele's words (although not in the same sentiment as how the rest of that song goes), it feels sort of like a fire starting in our hearts - hard to contain, there's a dream that wants to become reality!

If we went to bed, we'd just lay awake thinking to ourselves... so we chatted about it a fair bit (at least we had each other's company for a little while), then we went to bed. Yes, I'm now still laying here awake, thinking; but can you imagine how much longer I'd be laying here if I hadn't released some of it when I was chatting with my friend?!

When you feel tired, but your heart is jumping in excitement and there's a smile on your lips... It's a good thing and a good omen of good things to come =)

Good night, all!

Below is me with my Maddi Boo... whom I should be so fortunate to be blessed with! My love, my inspiration, my muse; the one that has ignited the fire, whose face I would do everything to keep a smile on... the major WHY to pursuing my dreams.

p.s. Every dreamer needs a strong WHY(s) to keep them in the running, especially when times get tough and when doubts and discouragements set in.

Love Yourself Now!

There are many great photographers out there; but to date, the one that has inspired and affected me most is Sue Bryce. Her agenda and her passion has resonated with me so much; her talent and the beauty of her work are inspiring, the effectiveness of her tips and tricks so encouraging.

In our media-saturated world today, women are bombarded with all kinds of messages telling them why they aren't good enough. Too fat, too thin, too plain, too dolled-up, too tall, too short, too girly, too sporty, the list goes on. As a photographer, I often tell my clients to relax in front of the camera. Yet pick me up from behind my camera and put me in front of it... I'm just as uneasy and uncomfortable. I'm not beautiful enough, I need to lose 20 pounds, I have an awkward smile... yada yada yada.

One thing I do love about myself... I gobble up ideas and material on how to live better, how to be better and happier. And many of them say although there is always room for improvement, love yourself today! Be grateful because there is good to celebrate! Focus on that and more of it will come.

I've been working on being more confident - in general and as an artist entrepreneur especially with valuing my time and talent, saying/doing what I want and taking less shit from people, being more present and grasping what really matters, weeding through the fluff and being more real, being kind and finding ways to contribute, going after my dreams with passion and decluttering my life of energy-sapping negatives that drag me down, inviting more of what serves me and getting rid of what doesn't in my life. There is much work to be done, I am going to be a constant work in progress. However, I think the first thing I need to tackle is learning to take care of myself first, or I wouldn't be in any position to take care of anybody else.

Self love. Love yourself now. Love your weaknesses as well as your strengths. Love parts of you that need improvement as well as parts of you that you are proud of. Celebrate your beauty today, everyday!

Following in Sue's footsteps, I want to be a champion for women who at any moment have felt not good enough. I am determined to help empower women by finding their beauty and showing it to them through my photographic work. Do something good for yourself, treat yourself to a glamour portrait session and let me show you how beautiful you are. I look forward to working with you!

Maddi Hug 2

Remember this photo when Maddi was a mere 20 days old? It is one of my all time favourites, just love it!

With all of the traveling we did last year, it was hard to keep up with taking pictures & blogging daily... so I didn't blog at all for almost a year, haha! I guess I'm an all or nothing girl =P

Trust me, we have tons of photos, but most of them are taken from our phones since lugging around the big SLR was not as easy as pre-baby days. I won't be blogging daily, but will attempt to at least be somewhat consistent. Looking at the old photos and reading past posts definitely made me glad I documented a lot of Maddi's first few months.

Maddi is now almost 14 and a half months old, sleeps in her crib overnight and for most naps. We sleep trained a few months ago but she still needed me to sit beside her crib and hold her hand until she falls asleep. A few days ago, I decided to start just putting her in the crib, kiss her goodnight and walk away. She cried a few minutes and eventually went to sleep on her own. Last night, she actually fell asleep within a minute.

Tonight, however, she stuck her hand out between the slats on her crib wanting me to hold it. How can I say no? My thought: it is definitely a lot more convenient for me to be able to just walk away when I put her to bed, but she will not always want me to hold her hand to sleep. The day will come when she will grow up and be independent, perhaps one day she won't even want to hold my hand at all. Let me just slow time down tonight and hold her hand.

As she tried to sleep, I examined her face. I can still see traces of how she looked as a newborn... her rosebud lips, and how she would suck her lower lip in sometimes, her gorgeous almond-shaped eyes that make her look more Asian when they're closed, her button nose and her baby cheeks that are so pinchable despite being so petite. Words can't describe how much I love this little person.

After 15 minutes, she sat up. For some reason, she still had a hard time falling asleep. She wasn't crying, just wasn't sleeping. So I picked her up and just held her. How I've missed cuddling her to sleep like I did those first few months. She is definitely heavier, but she fit perfectly in my arms and her head on my shoulder like she did when she was a lot smaller.

I started crying. I am plagued by something that I was told in my Bazu reading (a Chinese birth chart energy reading) that my relationship with my child will be challenged. This feels so perfect, Maddi and I have been so close... I can't accept that it will one day change and I won't be able to enjoy being so close to her. My heart broke a little just thinking about it, crying while rocking her and singing her our song to help her fall asleep.

As parents, we are so good at capturing our children's firsts... but we often don't notice the lasts. One day, it will be the last time she needs me to sit beside her crib and hold her hand to fall asleep, and I won't know until it is long gone. Not to say that I will never get frustrated when she takes forever to fall asleep in the future; but tonight, I found a reason to not rush, to slow time down, to just cherish the present and savour every moment.

When Maddi finally fell asleep in my arms, I asked Sean to take another photo of us... just like he did when she was 20 days old. It's a new addition to my favourite photos of all time.

Here's hoping that a mother's heart is powerful enough to change fate... but if not, then at least I have a great reminder to always cherish and make the best of every moment with this beautiful child.